Sometimes the story behind the photo is more beautiful than the picture itself.
Without any understandable explanation, my day started out with me feeling overwhelmed, unworthy, selfish, and if I'm brutally honest feelings of being unloved. I was on my knees taking these feelings to my ultimate Counselor. Even still, I felt so "full". I made my way out the door to face the world with a mask on so no one would think I was weak or that I wasn't in control. And as I was in traffic I rode by a pasture that God had lit up just the right way. I went out of my way to turn around and park my car to try and capture the moment. It was like a little therapy session. An overwhelming reminder that I am not in control but He is. I AM weak but that His strength is sufficient.
This picture doesn't do justice to the beauty that God painted this morning. Just like this world doesn't do justice to the promises we have in Him.
For the first 25 years of my life, I existed in a prison. A prison of an alternate reality. A coping mechanism that led to Munchausen Syndrome and constant lying as a way to deal with anxiety and low self-esteem.
I entered into marriage as a prisoner to shame. Through Godly mentoring and church discipline, I came to understand the freedom that can come from trusting God even when the potential for pain, to myself as well as those that I loved, was overwhelming.
Since overcoming this illness over 20 years ago, I've told maybe 5 people my story. Because it's SO HARD to comprehend the depth of the deception. Because I was scared people will look at me differently. Because in a way I was still in that prison.
In a 45 minute talk at The Living Room North at Browns Bridge Church, I told a room of over 150 college students my story. Because it's hard to comprehend the depth of God's grace. Because God looks at me differently. Because by sharing I hope to help someone break out of their own prison.
Things Mentioned during the Talk
Many of you have asked about Brett Trapp's website, Judson Edwards' quote and Rich Mullins' clip. All three of which I reference in this talk. I am happy to provide all of these below:
Brett Trapp - Blue Babies Pink - A 44 Day Southern Coming Out Story
Judson Edwards - Pastor
I first found this quote in a Men's Devotional Bible. My wife had it printed up and framed for me.
Rich Mullins - Irish Sweater Story
Hi-beam moments. We encounter them on the road. Other drivers. Blinding us. How do you react? In anger? Or with grace?
Hi-beam moments. We encounter them in life. Other people or circumstances. Blinding us. How do you react? In anger? Or with grace?
Listen to the audio of my talk at The Living Room North at Browns Bridge Church and leave me some feedback using the comment link. Thanks!